| FAQ: So you have a demon
How to deal with an immortal evil
Demons are funny things. Well not so much "funny." More like
terrifying. They can either be a simple angry spirit that hurls kitchen
knives at you, or they can take the physical shape of some
multi-tenticled hellspawn with six mouths and a mind that
telepathically screams words and images capable of plunging you into a
nightmare realm of torture. But whatever your class of demonic
possession, this handy FAQ will help you deal with it.
Let's get started!
I have awoken to a horrible sound coming from my living room.
You should probably go and investigate to see what is going on.
Considering this isn entry on demons, coming face-to-face with one
is a startlingly possible scenario.
There seems to be some kind of...goat...in my living room, eating my throw pillows.
If it is simply a goat, consider calling animal control. Or simply shoo
it out of your house and into the street where someone else will deal
with it. I'm sure someone is looking for their goat.
It has six legs and a tail made purely of bone. I doubt this is a regular goat.
Then it is probably a demon. I fucking told you so. A goat is commonly associated with hell and demonic imagery. Booyah.
Should I still try to remove it myself?
Probably not. You have no idea what kind of powers this particular demon possesses. For all you know it's a soul-eater.
A what?
A soul-eater. You know, feast on your immortal, holy vessel? If it
manages to devour your soul, you'll know nothing but suffering for all
of eternity.
I'm kinda scared.
Odds are it isn't a soul-eater. That is reserved for a higher class of demon. Usually something that looks more...demony.
I still don't know what to do about the goat-thing.
Has it noticed you yet? If it hasn't, try to get it's attention. If you
are lucky, it's simply lost on our mortal plane, and will run back to the
festering womb from which it was spawned.
I hit it in the head with a coffee table book. It looks pissed.
Which coffee table book did you hit it with?
Seasons by Frans Heidrich.
Fuck, that book sucks. No wonder you only managed to make it angry.
I fail to see what my choice of book has to do with anything.
Look, just don't sweat it. You have a couple of options here. On the
one hand, you can try and fight it. If you are a particularly religious
sort...
I'm not.
Then you might want to consider the other option of...
The goat has torn one of my kidneys out, and is eating it.
This means you have encountered a Gnuth T'kour. This is
a special class of demon with a particular fondness for human organs.
They are usually employed by Satan to eat the innards of the worst
sinners. These organs grow back with each passing day, so the sinners
are forced to have their own intestines eaten in front of them until
the end of time. Legend has it that...
The goat has removed a large portion of my small intestine.
He's already onto your gut? Man, you are fu...
The goat is devouring my liver.
Your last hope is to carve a pentagram on your chest and accept Satan
as your lord and master. This might sway the Lord of Darkness into
giving you a less demeaning eternity in hell. Like scooping up the
fetid shit of the crucified, or waxing his evil Mercedes.
Satan drives a Mercedes?
Yes, yes he does.
I think I'm dead.
You can't be dead if you are asking questions.
...
Now you are dead.
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| so to my own surprise, i got windows vista. probably not the best time to get it but oh well. out of all the quirks and screw ups that windows has made with this version i managed to find something quite amusing and entertaining. my laptops touch pad has something called a mood pad and i was doodling around with pressure graphs and this is wat i found: 
hahah its so funny and i dunno why XD |
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one of the best ways to kill time in class is playing solitare on your ipod puahaha. props to jess for beating it in 5 min when it always took me forever ;] |
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hahah. ill never get sick of reading Calvin and Hobbes.  |
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| went to the city with the youth group on friday! had a pretty awesome time and encountered somethings that can only be seen in the big apple hahah. PEEKACHURS: 
ahh good old ltimes square.
kris leading the pack. 
kenan and kel!
city streetballers/dancers
pretty christmas tree from far away but if you get too close your eyes start hurting cause there are so many little bright flashing lights x_X
nick can ice skate!
times square at night
look anything like the real thing?
some cool symbal lights at the hard rock cafe
mmm big red balls
hugee christmas tree at rockafeller center
pretty snowflakes
yessiree it was a good day that day. |
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